In a now-deleted post published on Reddit’s r/AmITheA****** forum, a man under the anonymous username u/manarchandy shared his story about threatening to cancel his wedding in order to receive opinions from the “ATIA” community.
The original poster (OP) began his story by explaining how he and his fiancée, “Lizzie,” have been putting off planning their wedding for a year and he has described the wedding planning process as a “nightmare.”
“Lizzie has gone full on bridezilla,” he wrote. “I get that wedding planning is hard, I’m literally doing it, but she has legitimately gone off the f****** rails. She’s been snapping at family members threatening to uninvite them at every turn.”
OP continued, “The other day my parents called me, and told me that Lizzie had uninvited them from the wedding. And of course, I was f****** pissed. She didn’t even have the gall to tell me herself. Was she just thinking I wouldn’t find out?”
He was shocked to discover that she uninvited them because his parents told Lizzie that they didn’t like the flowers she had chosen. He admitted that she didn’t tell him about her flower choice.
When he confronted her about the situation, she accused him of siding with his parents after they “disrespected” her. He argued back saying that she has been making all of the wedding decisions without discussing it with him first. In response, she told him it was “her” wedding and that she should be making all the decisions.
“We have never had a fight like this before,” he admitted. “I was at my wits end, especially after she called me a ‘controlling piece of s***.’ I snapped and called her a trigger happy loon, and if she wanted a wedding all about her, she could marry herself because I was so f****** done.”
Lizzie left the house and refuses to talk to him unless he apologizes.
Newsweek reached out to u/manarchandy for comment. We could not verify the details of this case.
Communicating expectations for a wedding
A wedding can be defined as a celebration or ceremony of marriage and a formal way to mark the union of two people. However, it can be overwhelming to begin the wedding planning process.
“Planning for a wedding is incredibly stressful. It is a big day with oftentimes unrealistic expectations,” Lia Huynh, a relationship therapist, told Newsweek.
When discussing the post above, Huynh spoke about how OP and his fiancée’s problem isn’t a wedding problem, but a communication and boundary problem. She said the couple needs to sit down and strategize how to deal with the situation with OP’s parents and come to an agreement.
Huynh added, “In my practice, I see a lot of husbands who are really good sons who just want to honor their parents and love their wives but when the rubber meets the road, they often side with their parents and expect the wife to give in. This is ok if it’s balanced but if the wife always feels she needs to swallow her needs and desires, she will either start shutting down or ramping up to feel heard.
“We need to listen to our partners and come up with a plan to help them feel heard and better,” she continued. “If they can’t do that, then there either needs to be boundaries with parents or if you can’t do that, you need to reconsider if this is someone you can spend your life with.”
Newsweek has published several articles regarding relationships including the relationship red flags you should go to therapy over, some “healthy” conversations couples should have and the five red flags for toxic relationships according to a therapist.
Redditor reactions
“[Not the a******]. I know a running joke on Reddit is instantly giving the advice ‘you should break up’ but ummm, if this were me I’d be thankful this side of her was exposed before we said ‘I do’ and I’d run away from this pile of red flags in the shape of a human woman,” u/wittiestphrase wrote, receiving the top comment.
“[Not the a******]. Run. Run far far away,” u/SDstartingOut suggested, “Stop threatening to cancel it. Save yourself the divorce and ramifications of potentially having children with this person.”
“[Not the a******]. Remember, it’s cheaper to cancel a wedding than it is to get a divorce. A wedding is the celebration of the relationship between two people. It is not one person’s special day,” u/Reenvisage said.
“There’s a quote by Maya Angelou that says ‘When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.’ Do not marry this woman, [Not the a******],” u/sisival recommended.
